There was a period, after Charlie was born, when I was barely holding on. I wasn't showering regularly. I'd snap at my kids over nothing. I'd stare at the wall during their nap time, unable to move. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt happy—or even okay. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't have words for it, and I didn't know how to ask for help.
Looking back, I was experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety. It took me a long time to recognize it—and an even longer time to get help. I don't want other moms to suffer as long as I did.
This is my guide to mental health check-ins for moms. Not because I'm a therapist, but because I've been there. And I know how easy it is to not notice when you're declining because you're too busy caring for everyone else.
I'm Jennifer Brooks, mom to Jack (9), Lily (7), and Charlie (4).
Why Moms Need to Check In
Moms are so busy caring for everyone else that we forget to check on ourselves. We don't notice our own decline because we're too focused on everyone else's needs—their schedules, their moods, their health.
We check in on our kids: Are they eating enough? Sleeping enough? Developing normally? We track their growth, their milestones, their emotional well-being. But we rarely turn that lens on ourselves.
Regular mental health check-ins catch problems early, before they become crises. They're not about being "fine"—they're about being honest about how you're doing. And then doing something about it.
I wrote about building a support system when you need help here.
The Weekly Check-In: Questions to Ask Yourself
Once a week, I do a mental health check-in. It's not complicated—you can do it in 5 minutes. I do it Sunday evenings as part of my weekly reset. Here are the questions I ask:
- How's my mood overall? (Scale 1-10, with 10 being amazing)
- Am I sleeping too much or not enough? Are my sleep patterns normal for me?
- Am I eating regularly, or am I forgetting meals? When did I last eat something nutritious?
- Do I feel connected to others, or isolated? When did I last have an adult conversation?
- Am I enjoying things, or is everything a chore? Am I finding joy in things I used to love?
- Am I snapping at my kids more than usual? Is my patience shorter than normal?
- Do I feel hopeful about the future? Or am I just going through the motions?
These questions aren't meant to judge—just to notice. If several of these answers are concerning, it's time to take action.
The Red Flags: When to Seek Professional Help
While everyone's experience is different, these symptoms warrant professional help. Please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional if you're experiencing:
- Persistent sadness for more than 2 weeks
- Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
- Significant changes in appetite or sleep (too much or too little)
- Feeling worthless or excessive guilt
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Feeling anxious or worried constantly, even when nothing is wrong
- Physical symptoms that don't have another explanation (racing heart, fatigue, aches)
- Thoughts of harming yourself or others—even fleeting thoughts
If you're having thoughts of harming yourself or others, please reach out for immediate help:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
When to Seek Help: Types of Support
Therapy
Therapy isn't just for crises—it's for anyone who needs support. A good therapist helps you process emotions, develop coping strategies, and provides non-judgmental space to talk about the hardest parts of motherhood.
There are many types of therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps change negative thought patterns. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) teaches emotional regulation. EMDR helps with trauma. Your doctor can help you figure out what type might be most helpful.
Psychiatry
If symptoms are severe or persistent, you may need medication. Postpartum depression and anxiety are medical conditions that often benefit from medication plus therapy. There's no shame in needing medication—it's not a character flaw or a failure. It's a health condition that needs treatment.
Support Groups
Other moms understand in a way that no one else can. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone is powerful. Look for local mom groups, postpartum support groups, or online communities.
What Actually Helps: The Self-Care That Matters
Here's what I've learned helps maintain mental health:
- Connection with other adults: Isolation is dangerous for moms. Make time for friendships, even if it's just a 10-minute phone call.
- Physical exercise: Even a 15-minute walk improves mood significantly. It's not about weight loss—it's about brain chemistry.
- Sleep: I know, laughable with young kids. But are you sleeping 4 hours or 9 hours? There's a big difference.
- Healthy food: Your brain needs fuel. Are you eating real food or just surviving on coffee and snacks?
- Boundaries: The ability to say no protects your time and energy. I wrote about saying no here.
- Asking for help: You can't do this alone. Neither can anyone else. Asking for help is strength, not weakness.
For Postpartum Moms Specifically
If you have a baby under one year old and you're struggling, please know: what you're feeling is not your fault. Postpartum depression and anxiety are medical conditions that affect 1 in 5 new mothers. They are not a reflection of your worth as a mother or your love for your baby.
The baby blues (mood swings, crying, difficulty sleeping) are normal in the first two weeks after birth. But if symptoms last longer or get worse, it's postpartum depression or anxiety, and it needs treatment.
Talk to your doctor. Tell your partner or a trusted friend. Don't suffer alone.
The Shame Problem
So many moms don't seek help because of shame. We're supposed to love being mothers. We're supposed to be grateful. We're supposed to "have it all together."
But motherhood is hard. Life is hard. Sometimes we need help. And there's nothing shameful about that.
I felt ashamed that I wasn't enjoying my newborn the way I thought I should. I felt like a failure. But I wasn't a failure—I was sick. And once I got treatment, I could actually enjoy my children.
You are not alone. Help is available. You deserve support.
For more support, check out my articles on building a support system and why moms neglect self-care. Your mental health matters. Please take care of yourself.
