"When do you find time for yourself?" someone asked me. I thought about it. I have three kids under 10. I work from home. My husband travels 40% of the time. I'm busy from 6 AM until the kids are in bed. When DO I find time for myself?
The answer is: intentionally. I have to be intentional about it because no one is going to hand me free time. Me time doesn't just happen—you create it.
I'm Jennifer Brooks, mom to Jack (9), Lily (7), and Charlie (4). Here's how I find me time in the chaos.
The Me Time Mindset Shift
Before we get to tactics, let's talk about mindset. Me time isn't selfish. Me time isn't indulgent. Me time is essential for your mental health, your relationships, and your ability to be a good mom.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot be present for your family if you're depleted. Taking time for yourself isn't taking away from your family—it's giving them a better version of you.
When to Find Me Time
Before the Kids Wake Up
This is my favorite. I wake up at 6:15 AM. The kids don't wake until 7. That's 45 minutes of quiet coffee, reading, just sitting. I guard this time fiercely.
Yes, it means going to bed earlier. Yes, it means waking when it's still dark. But this quiet time sets me up for the day.
During Quiet Activities
When kids are engaged in independent play, TV, or activities, that's potential me time. I don't use this time for cleaning—I use it for me. Reading, stretching, calling a friend, just sitting.
After Kids Go to Bed
After the kids are in bed (8 PM for us), I have until about 10 PM. Some nights I use this for myself. Some nights I'm too exhausted. That's okay.
Weekend Opportunities
My husband and I have a schedule: Saturday morning is my "off" time. He has the kids from 7 AM to noon. This is non-negotiable. I leave the house. I do something just for me. This weekly break is essential.
How to Create Me Time
Communicate with Your Partner
You need childcare coverage to have real me time. If you have a partner, they need to understand that you having time isn't optional—it's essential. Negotiate coverage.
Trade with Other Moms
Find another mom who needs coverage and trade. You watch her kids for 2 hours, she watches yours. This gives you genuine free time without trading money.
Lower Your Standards
Me time doesn't have to be elaborate. Me time can be sitting in the bathroom alone for 10 minutes with the door locked. Me time can be a quiet walk while the kids are at school.
Make It Non-Negotiable
Put it on the calendar. "Me time" is an appointment with yourself. Treat it like you would treat a doctor's appointment—non-negotiable.
What to Do With Me Time
Move Your Body
Exercise isn't just about fitness—it's about mental health. Even a 15-minute walk does wonders. I wrote about exercising with no time here.
Connect with Someone
Call a friend. Get coffee with someone. Connection combats isolation and depletion.
Do Something Creative
Read, write, draw, craft—something that uses a different part of your brain than parenting or work.
Rest
Sometimes me time is just rest. Sitting. Not doing. This is valid.
Pursue an Interest
What did you love before kids? Tennis? Photography? Gardening? Pursue it, even briefly.
The Guilt Factor
Let's address the guilt. When you're taking me time, you might feel guilty. Like you should be with your kids. Like you're being selfish. This guilt is normal.
Here's the reframe: your kids are watching you model self-care. They're learning that adults take care of themselves. Is that a bad thing to teach?
A mom who is depleted, exhausted, and resentful is not a gift to her children. A mom who is rested, restored, and present is.
Making It Happen This Week
- Identify one time slot this week that's potential me time
- Schedule it on your calendar
- Protect it like any other appointment
- Use it for something that restores you
Even 30 minutes a week is better than nothing. Start there.
For more strategies, check out my articles on quick self-care ideas and building a support system. You deserve time for yourself. Start claiming it.
